I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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