just survived the first fart of the relationship.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
