Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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