apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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