At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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