We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
