we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
