Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize