I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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