we have pet lesbian snakes
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
