Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
