his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize