Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
