How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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