"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
