I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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