Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize