Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
