dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
