i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
