at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
