Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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