She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
