My room smells like vodka and shame
so explain again why im purple
no
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
