I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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