It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
