used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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