My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
not ubering you a puppy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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