Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
