At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
