I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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