Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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