@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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