i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
