goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
These tits shall not be calmed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
