can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
