Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
