On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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