Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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