just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
