For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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