Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
