Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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