I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
