my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Alive.
So much puke
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize