Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is wine microwaveable?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
