someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
