It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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