I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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