don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
