He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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