is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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