i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you still have your period?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
