Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
