Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
