We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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