Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
