I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize