saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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