I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
