you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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