Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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