also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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