His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
