just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
These tits shall not be calmed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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