hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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