My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
