Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
