last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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