I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
