Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
