We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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