Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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