Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
