...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
