Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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