he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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