just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
