im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
BRING THE BAGELS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
