So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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